country road, take me home to the place i belong, west virginia, mountain mama, take me home, country road...

tonight after church, the room was kind of a-flutter with activity... people, grouped up in small groups sharing life with each other... talking about the things that are going on in their lives and praying together... it's one of my favorite things about church...

tonight was different, though... i ended up sitting next to chris and everyone else was in groups... he grabbed a guitar and started playing songs from the days at central... songs that have a lot of memories tied in with them... some of my favorite songs... songs that remind me of a time when faith seemed more simple and also more complex...

obedience always seemed so easy back then... and at the same time, i think i made some things way more complicated than they needed to be... trying to put on my game face because i would think that's what everyone wanted to see...

now, for me, sometimes i think the thing people most need to see are the places where i am vulnerable... the places that make me real... not the mask... one of the songs we sang was "find me in the river" - and it always brings tears to my eyes when i sing it... "find me in the river, find me there, find me on my knees with my soul laid bare, even though you're gone and i'm cracked and dry, find me in the river... i'm waiting here."

i do feel a bit cracked and dry lately... like i'm not where i need to be... i don't put on the game face with the people i go to church with... but sometimes, i don't expose my true vulnerability... i remain quiet, thinking it's easier not to open up than to show all the junk... to admit that sometimes i hurt and feel lonely... that i mess up and make mistakes... that i'm not perfect.

then, after we sang some of those, chris got out the 12-string and started playing john denver songs... and there's something about the chorus of "take me home, country road" that gets me... no clue what it is... but it gets to me... i love it... i love the thought of going home... and the idea that seems to follow the song that he's going home to someone...

i know these thoughts are disjointed somewhat... i really just needed to write again... i like it being a part of my routine... and i need to practice... because right now it's all a little messy.

1) tina fey is my hero... 2) josh groban is working his way up the list...

so i was at home... instead of doing laundry, i watched the emmy's... occasionally, during breaks, i cleaned...

at least i got one thing quasi-accomplished...

here are my thoughts...

i loved the josh groban singing 30 theme song bit... my favorite was the transition from "we finally got a piece of the pie..." to "i'll be ready..." complete with the dramatic slo-mo-ish baywatch lifeguard re-enactment...

i also loved tina fey's quote in one of her acceptance speeches - "i thank my parents for somehow raising me to have confidence that is disproportionate with my looks and abilities. well done." whatever... she's hilarious... 

i wondered how kathy griffin could possibly be upstaged/considered normal and appropriate... enter: don rickles... seriously.

p.s. the weekend was fabulous... i was really excited about asu winning another game... now... we need to beat memphis next weekend... it was great to spend time with friends... i laughed a lot... and realized how great my friends are... i would totally back them up in a fist fight if i needed to... i'm just saying. 

he said, 'it's all in your head,' and i said, 'so's everything,' but he didn't get it...

my life is busy. i hate to say that... but it just is... i have some great stories to tell, but tonight, i'm opting for sleep over stopping to write them out...

it's all in my head, so hopefully, someday i'll have an opportunity to share...

until then, dear friends, be well.